two more days! there’s a general upward swing towards less pain and discomfort, but there’s these high and low points throughout the day based on how painful/discomfortable I feel.
woke up on day 4 feeling crappy as usual. this was partially because day 3 night saw me unable to sleep due to much stomach discomfort from belatedness. i’m really wondering where all this gas is coming from – is it the apples? is it the barley? or maybe it’s just me not eating as much as I used to.. hmm. i discovered it’s really through that your bodily discomfort manifests itself in your dreams – think i was dreaming of being trapped in some situation with a bad diarrhoea or something and woke up realising it was my stomach growling badly.
but anyways, THANK GOD for resolving the stomach bloatedness when I prayed through it. honestly, its boiling down to just praying simply and praying through these issues and being grateful of being able to function normally and being able to appreciate stuff. quite the change in perspective.
day 4 saw new pains – my tongue started having sores (last time i checked, this is kinda early for that), making eating a little more difficult. but no more nausea even without taking anti-nausea pills! yay! the nauseating feeling still comes and goes at times, especially during long car journeys but its quite manageable nowadays.
and oh.. day 4 happened to be chinese new year. we didn’t go any visiting this year, i think partially cos my parents were really knackered from taking care of me, and also cos they really didn’t want me to be exposed to too many “outside” viruses and were worried on my strength throughout the day.
thing is, we know how much they love us. but how do you tell them sometimes that their way of loving us might be a little too smothering, or a little too much, such that it might not be good for recovery? it’s impossible to tell them not to worry, impossible to tell them that you should stay out more and exercise more instead of just moping at home.. and yet its heart wrenching to see them worry themselves sick and tired.. sigh.
day 5 was good. woke up with a splitting headache and a worry for flu, but it faded away after awhile. a long car journey to my aunt’s place took its toll on me again, but the good food at her place did wonders. a good long afternoon walk at macritchie did wonders too. and so did another long night’s walk. I’m almost back to 9/10 in terms of the comfort scale (which is probably why I’m blogging). so glad. so thankful.
of course there’s still fear. i worry about tonight’s sleep. worry about how i’d be when i wake up. worry about the next few days and how i’d feel. of course, worrying about the next chemo and the next crash.. i’m worried that i’ve associated the room and the treatment with nausea and how my stomach would react. but well, i really have to live day by day now right?
a day lived is a good day.